Weather Bureau predicts a White Christmas across the country
The Weather Bureau has announced that Americans will enjoy snowfall throughout the month of December, no doubt bringing joy to the faces of children across the country and worries to mothers for their clean dry floors.
Professor Charles F. Marvin, the newly appointed Chief of the Weather Bureau, has gone on record to say that parts of the United States may see their coldest winter since the 1800s. He mentioned the winter of March 1873 in Baltimore, when the thermometer plummeted to a record 5 degrees Fahrenheit. North Carolinians in particular have been known to experience harsh winters, with heavy rains melting most of the snow on some days, thunderstorms that tear away bridges and fences, and damage to mills, according to the specialist book, Early American Winters 1604-1820.
The Cunard Line steamers, which have for several years now used The Marconi Company as their the primary wireless broadcaster of weather information, are acting in caution as they advise passengers with winter trips planned to pack warmly, and advise those who are interested in planning trips, to consider holding off until the spring.
With the recent advent of remote sensing devices such as the Weather Balloon, which allows meteorologists to track wind patterns and other weather information from unmanned sources, we can be certain that forecasting even into distant areas is today more accurate than ever before.
Hoofing it at the weekly Saturday Social
(Story contributed by Tabbicatt Duskwalker)
The town gathered for the Saturday Social. But this week’s event would be different. In the midst of the music and the dance, a horse race was held. Many came to watch, but only four competed.
Those four were: Tabbicatt Duskwalker, Nathaniel Lorefield, Lara Dieterle, and Laina Sands.
The race was three laps around town. Starting next to the town hall, going past the dance hall, round the back of the park, along the new boulevard, and back to the town hall.
It was a close race Nate leading most of the way, with Tabbi and Lara in close pursuit. But in the last leg of the race, Tabbi dramatically pulled out in front, and took the win.
Tabbicatt took first place.
Nate took second place.
Lara took third place.
Laina came in fourth.
The thought of making this a monthly event has been tabled, and is being considered.
Philomenaville enjoys the last of hayride season
October socials saw local ladies and gentlemen enjoying the first hour of their time with music and refreshments under a canopy by the North Pond as usual, while the second hour provided a more seasonal diversion with hay wagon rides. These were offered by the local livery, which has been a staple of the transportation and leisure industry in Philomenaville for several years.
A success with local children, it is hoped that the hay rides will last into the end of November, when perhaps the chill of winter will begin to set in.
Society: Seen and heard at Saturday Dance
SEVERAL KNOWN SOCIETY FIGURES were seen at a dance social held on Saturday evening in the wealthy district of Wellington County, Philomena – one of several events that the bustling town has been hosting as part of its autumn festivities. Among them were Ms. Rosalind Ganymede, a local school teacher and suffragette leader, and Mr. Blake Palmer, a restaurant and saloon owner visiting from the city of New Toulouse.
Former Paris art gallery owner, Ms. Gish Guardian-Birdsong, travelled from neighbouring Winterfell in a classic 1898 automobile shipped from France, while others rented carriages or took a stroll to enjoy the brisk evening air.
Conversation during the event revolved around suffrage, which appears to have died down in Philomena. Prominent suffrage advocate, Ms. Rosalind Ganymede insisted that the ladies were still standing strong together and dismissed speculation that they were no longer interested in claiming the right to vote.
Referring to prohibition laws in effect in his hometown of New Toulouse, saloon and restaurant owner Mr. Blake Palmer gave his opinion that as long as women vote against the Volstead Act, they would have his support.
Dance socials are held regularly in Philomena, with refreshments and the finest music provided. A popular event for couples and singles alike, the dances also see young urchins off the street for an evening, which is a welcome service to any town.
For transport or further details, kindly contact Tabbicatt Duskwalker.
Wellington County is a lush, green park-like residential district, where many homes are flanked by natural bodies of water such as lakes and creeks. The major lake in the area falls off the rapids and flows south to form a creek.
Autumn arrives in Philomenaville; town set to welcome holidaymakers
THE SOUNDS OF CRACKLING LEAVES can now be heard under one’s feet as autumn arrives in the fair town of Philomena.
As the seasons change, so one might be reminded of a great many changes in the town since Mayors Panache and Anansi began commissioning new commercial centres and residential areas earlier this year. Among the new buildings completed are the Addison Theatre, domed ‘cathedral’ style apartments and distinguished looking brownstones.
Long considered one of the most popular holiday destinations for sweethearts and families alike due to its many cafes and parks, Philomena expects to see people from all over the country spend a portion of the season here.
It is believed that Town Hall will be preparing a schedule of activities such as market fairs, dances and social gatherings to entertain and please visitors. Curious parties of a sociable disposition are encouraged to approach the mayors for more details.
Woman suffrage reaches Philomena, ladies hijack evening social
THE CAUSE OF WOMAN SUFFRAGE has reached Philomena, beginning officially during a recent evening social, which was ‘hijacked’ albeit peacefully by a group of ladies wearing sashes emblazoned with the words, ‘Votes for Women’. While New Zealand and Australia have in recent years achieved woman suffrage, it remains to be seen how far the cause will go in America. All across the country, bookstores have reported that sales of a certain A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792) – a known suffrage publication by Ms. Mary Wollstonecraft – have been soaring, as more women become interested in gaining the right to vote.
Mayor Blake Panache made an appearance at the social just as the ladies were in deep discussion about their hopes for winning the vote. He was soon drawn into what some might call an uncomfortable conversation, being the only male present save a small child who had wandered over upon hearing music from the radio. The Mayor was quoted as saying that he believed the opinions of wise women ought to be heard, and that he wished them the best of luck in achieving their goals. Some of the ladies voiced their skepticism, feeling the Mayor was merely being diplomatic – others, however, were touched by his support and went on to ask for the next dance on his card.
In related news, business owner Morganic Clarrington has offered up the use of his new patriotic hall for woman suffrage advocates to hold their meetings.
Philomena slated for residential boom, Mayors get their hands dirty!
AS INDUSTRY GROWS IN PHILOMENA, so more people are reported to be moving from smaller towns to seek employment and recreation here. To cater to this expected population growth, Mayors Blake Panache and Selena Anansi have recently commissioned a variety of houses for different incomes, and have even been involved in their design and construction. Both Mayors are happy with the work completed so far, having gone with the region’s most reputable construction companies despite their considerably high quote for labour and materials. This decision was made in light of recent lessons learned from the Clarrington Hotel incident.
At time of press, there are several row cottages available on Park Avenue heading towards the lake, and one remaining brownstone apartment in close proximity to the new Addison Theatre. More homes are slated to be built, and the Herald will endeavor to keep readers as up-to-date as possible.
Clarrington back in business, dares arsonist to strike again
BUSINESS TYCOON MORGANIC CLARRINGTON has bounced back from the arson attack on his hotel back in July, with an entire row of new commercial enterprises, including a tea room, oyster bar, and general provisions store. Mrs. Clarrington has expressed great pride in her husband’s resilience, but was rather taken aback when he issued a challenge to arsonist Bill Chadwick to “…try your best and overturn my business now, you crook!” Meanwhile, Philomena residents are more than happy to have new places to congregate in town.
East Coast Syndicate First to Claim Ruined Lot
A GROUP OF WEALTHY FINANCIERS has recently taken hold of the lot where Clarrington Hotel once stood, and representatives say they plan to build a brand new hotel in its place. Our sources report that the new hotel will be called, “Park Hotel” as well as that ground has been broken and construction is now underway.
The new hotel will comprise several grand rooms for guests and a luxurious presidential suite, suitable for important guests or honeymooning couples. The group are also in talks to procure the services of such noted furniture designers as Charles Rennie Mackintosh and Josef Hoffman in the furnishing of their suites.
Arsonist on the Run, Constabulary Urge Citizens to Be Cautious
THOUGH CRITICISED FOR THEIR INABILITY to apprehend arsonist Bill Chadwick before he was able to carry out his plans, the Philomena Constabulary has now taken a leading role in preserving the safety of the public. Senior Constable David Erstwhile has released the following official statement on behalf of the Constabulary and also a file photograph of the criminal at large.
“Mr. Chadwick is of a small but stout stature at 5″1′, with a sun-darkened skin tone, dark brown hair and small eyes. In the attached file photograph, he is shown to have a distinctive moustache (this fits a description given by resident Sophia Edison about a week ago), but it is suspected that he would be clean shaven now and may have also changed other aspects of his appearance.
Men such as Mr. Chadwick, who demonstrate tendencies toward violence and arson are inclined to have a temper that can appear in an unexpected and explosive way. He is likely to be on edge and may act out violently again if cornered. In addition, he may have gotten a taste of excitement from this act, and desire to commit another.
Mr. Chadwick was last seen on the outskirts of town, squatting on abandoned land. Some of the residents in that area have now taken to keeping weapons handy, and it is believed this knowledge caused Mr. Chadwick to take flight. His current whereabouts are unknown.
We ask citizens to report any unsavory characters, and though we have no intention of enforcing an official curfew, we urge them to exercise special caution when out after normal daylight hours.”
Philomena Residents Take Wise Precautions for Personal Safety
Story contributed by Banjo McGillivary
Mr. Geoffrey Edwardstone, a town resident at 6 Pine Lane, recently enjoyed a bit of tea on his front porch with his wife, Sere Timeless. Ever vigilant, Mr. Edwardstone, keeps his shotgun handy whenever he is in and around his house.
“We live dangerously close to the unincorporated area where that scoundrel, Bill Chadwick, was last seen. I don’t want him to think he can come around here without consequences,” Mr. Edwardstone stated firmly.
Miss Sere was quick to add that she would see to it that her husband wore his glasses whenever he used the shotgun. “His aim is only slightly off when he wears his glasses, but he could end up shooting almost anything if he’s not wearing them,” she said helpfully. Visitors to the house are urged to announce themselves in a loud voice before coming onto the property.
In a related report, Miss Sophia Edison of popular ladieswear boutique Chateau D’Esprit has reported the sighting of a man with a moustache, wearing a heavy grey raincoat, who she believes may be Bill Chadwick. Miss Edison had received word of the fire in quite a delayed manner next morning due to being at home at the time, and rushed to Bushside to see whether her boutique was in any way affected. Shortly after opening up her shop, she noticed the man loitering near the stone wall that surrounds the Philomena Park Pavillion. In the report, she states that she found the grey raincoat odd as there was no sight of a single rain cloud in the sky.
Philomena Cooperative Effort Inspires Neighbouring Towns
MAYOR SELENA ANANSI HAS SAID that the Town Hall has been inundated with telegrams and letters from citizens and officials from neighbouring towns in the past week. These correspondences have been to praise the town effort in putting out Sunday’s fire at Clarrington Hotel. One letter wrote that, “Such cooperation has nary been seen since the proverbial ‘good old days'”, while another commended what they called, “the epitome of town spirit”. A mother of five also wrote in to confide that she would be having portraits commissioned of the civilian firefighters so as to motivate her own children to become more brave and conscientious. Well wishes have also been sent to local schoolteacher Miss Rosalind Ganymede, who sustained a head injury when hit by falling rubble as the building collapsed.
Fire engines arrived in front of Clarrington Hotel on Sunday night following an act of vengeance by contractor-turned-arsonist, Bill Chadwick, who had been dismissed by owner Morganic Clarrington only days before. Despite news of threats made upon Mr. Clarrington and his wife, as well as reports from concerned townsfolk and suspicious sightings of Mr. Chadwick, the local Constabulary were unable to forestall the arsonist’s attack on the hotel. Fortunately, Philomenians gathered to form a civilian firefighting squad and were soon able to douse the flames.
Town Hall has requested the following residents to be thanked for their physical and moral support during the blaze: Gloriana Maertens, zaida Gearbox, Saraphen Calliope, Geoffrey Edwardstone, Shiba, Tabbicatt Duskwalker, Miranda, Sere Timeless.
Interview With Local Child Who Helped Fight Fire!
A LOCAL CHILD TURNED from victim to hero when he grabbed a fire hose, turned the nozzle on the flames nearest him and gave full force of blast to the towering inferno that was Clarrington Hotel on Sunday evening. Town Hall will bestow a medal of courage on the boy – an English orphan named Nathaniel Lorefield – and are finalising details of a ceremony. The Herald reached out to him for an interview:
[18:12] Victoria Fern Barker spots the boy, “You must be Nathaniel?”
[18:13] Nathaniel Lorefield: Oy, who wants ter know? Oi swear Oi, oi mean ‘e didn’t do nuthin’!
[18:14] Victoria Fern Barker waves a hand dismissively, “No, no, boy, you’re not in any trouble – in fact we want to reward you.”
[18:14] Nathaniel Lorefield looks dubious. :”Wot fer?”
[18:15] Victoria Fern Barker: Well, I have a photograph right here that shows you on the front line putting out the hotel fire Sunday
[18:16] Victoria Fern Barker: You take coffee?
[18:17] Nathaniel Lorefield: “Yer got somefin’ wif’ a bit more bite?” He looks hopeful.
[18:18] Victoria Fern Barker: “Hmmm… Let’s see. If Banjo were here I might have him run over to the store.” She hands him half her roast beef sandwich
Nathaniel Lorefield takes it and starts to much greedily before stopping himself.
[18:19] Victoria Fern Barker waves him over to a chair, “Sit, sit – you’ll get indigestion.”
Nathaniel Lorefield gets comfortable on a stool.
[18:22] Victoria Fern Barker: Right, Nathaniel. So we just want to take a couple of photographs and hear your story of what happened that fateful evening.
[18:24] Nathaniel Lorefield: Well, oi don’t roightly know. It were quoiet an’ I were catching a few winks under a tree. Then the foire bell were suddenly stirring up an awful racket and I had to go over an’ see what was goin’ on.
[18:24] Victoria Fern Barker knits her brow in concentration and takes down notes, “Mhmm, mhm, go on?”
[18:26] Nathaniel Lorefield: an’ THEN. Well, er, I saw th’ smoke an’ the sparks an’ all the people dashin’ aroun, an’ one ‘anded me a ‘ose they did, so then oi jes’ did like wot they was doin’.
[18:27] Victoria Fern Barker frowns, “Yes, but weren’t you inside the building at one point? I believe you were rescued by a fellow Philomenean?”
[18:28] Nathaniel Lorefield: er, yeah oi was. I sorta got carried away wif th’ excoitement an’ all and were inside puttin’ water on th’ foire, when I found meself a bit lost.
[18:28] Nathaniel Lorefield: th’ smoke yer see.
[18:29] Victoria Fern Barker nods, “So you went in a bit too far?”
[18:29] Nathaniel Lorefield: yer, tha’s wot it were.
[18:30] Victoria Fern Barker: I see, I see. And who rescued you at that moment, Nathaniel?
[18:31] Nathaniel Lorefield: It were the bloke. Er, wot were his name. Parringham or somfing.
[18:32] Victoria Fern Barker jots down the name and taps her fountain pen on the page thoughtfully. “And your parents weren’t there to help.. I assume you’re.. you’re an..?”
[18:33] Nathaniel Lorefield: “oi’m an urchin, thank yer very muchly!” He pufffs out his chest proudly.
[18:34] Victoria Fern Barker smiles, pleased at the kid’s spunk. She looks over her notes. “Alright, is there anything I’m missing out.. Hmm… Ah, how long were you helping fight the blaze, would you say?”
[18:35] Nathaniel Lorefield: “Oi dunno fer certain as oi gots no watch?” He shows his wrist.
[18:36] Victoria Fern Barker: Very well. And is there anything else you would like to add? Perhaps a message of encouragement to other children who might like to be heroes too in times of danger?
[18:37] Nathaniel Lorefield looks uncomfortable
[18:38] Nathaniel Lorefield: “well, erm, moind yer parent er somfing…” He trails off.
[18:39] Victoria Fern Barker stifles a little laugh at what is typical of children’s wisdom.
[18:39] Nathaniel Lorefield: an’… erm… eat yer vegertables!
[18:40] Victoria Fern Barker crosses the ‘t’ on ‘vegetables’ and sets down her pen. “Perfect.” She leans over conspiratorially, “Now, there is one more matter. I hear the mayor would like to bestow a medal upon you..!”
[18:41] Nathaniel Lorefield looks VERY uncomfortable
[18:42] Victoria Fern Barker offers him another sandwich
[18:42] Nathaniel Lorefield greedily bites into it.
[18:43] Victoria Fern Barker: It’s really just a symbolic gesture, for the town morale, nothing to be shy about.
[18:44] Nathaniel Lorefield: alroight
[18:44] Nathaniel Lorefield still looks suspicious
[18:45] Victoria Fern Barker beams, “Good. Well, I shall check with the Mayor on how he wishes to proceed with that, and then we shall have a little ceremony. For now, you’re free to go, child.”
[18:46] Nathaniel Lorefield looks mightily relieved as he jumps up and dashes out.
CLARRINGTON HOTEL BURNED DOWN BY VILLAINOUS CONTRACTOR
Story contributed by Blake Panache
AT APPROXIMATELY 5PM ON SUNDAY NIGHT, the pungent smell of an incendiary material was seen coming from The Clarrington Hotel. A vicious fire broke out shortly thereafter and spread quickly through all seven floors, leaving the hotel in charred ruins.
The event is being called arson. Kerosene is believed to be the cause of the blaze, and additional evidence, including a wallet left at the scene, point to one Mr. Bill Chadwick as the culprit.
Mr. Chadwick had been employed to do renovations on the upstairs floors, but was dismissed after a structural audit reported the use of substandard materials and found multiple code violations leading to hazardous conditions. He is believed to have lit up the building from inside and escaped through a back door – possibly the staff entrance. Witnesses are yet to come forward.
After a mere hour, Clarrington Hotel and all its subpar materials courtesy of Chadwick’s contracting company succumbed to the flames and is considered a total loss. The remaining ruins of the building are fenced off as further evidence is being discovered. Mayors Blake Panache and Selena Anansi ask that all residents stay away until the investigations are completed.
STABLE OWNER WALKS AWAY FROM CRASH WITHOUT A SCRATCH!
STABLE OWNER DOROTHY BARKER miraculously walked away unharmed after her horse and hansom cab collided with the town streetcar last week in what is presumed to be an unfortunate accident. The matter is currently being investigated, but no foul play is suspected, and the streetcar does not appear to have been sabotaged in any way.
Miss Barker was making her usual evening rounds of the Philomena shopping district to pick up passengers when she lost control and drove straight into the streetcar as it turned the corner of Alder Street and Valley Avenue. The Herald is happy to report that while the hansom will need some repair work and a new coat of paint, both horse and owner walked away none the worse for wear. Miss Barker is said to have treated her horse, Tabbi, to a special bath and an extra helping of apples and pears, to help her wind down from the excitement of the evening.
PHILOMENA CELEBRATES INDEPENDENCE DAY
Story contributed by Sere Timeless
The skies above the Town of Philomena were alight with color last Saturday night as a fireworks display marked the 4th of July. Citizens gathered in the Park Pavillion to enjoy some refreshments while taking in the spectacle.
The impresario for the evening was one of Philomena’s best-known and most civic-minded citizens, Mr. Morganic Clarrington, who arranged for the spectacular display of light and sound. He appeared to be in good spirits despite threats made towards his family by Bill Chadwick, a contractor he had dismissed a month prior for unlawful practices (See June 16th issue of The Philomena Herald). Mr. Clarrington was also kind enough to provide picnic style refreshments on the park lawn for everyone to enjoy as they enjoyed the show. After making sure all the arrangements were in place, he calmly sat down to eat and socialize with the assembled group.
The patriotic nature of the event was reinforced by new resident, Miss Rosalind Ganymede, who came dressed as the famous symbol of American freedom, the Statue of Liberty. She held her torch high as the rockets crackled and lighted about her to remind us all why we celebrate this most special holiday.
((If you would like to contribute to The Herald, write your ideas on a notecard and drop it in the mailbox at the Herald Offices.))
HOTEL OWNER THREATENED IN HIS OWN HOME
DISGRACED CONTRACTING COMPANY Chadwick General Contractors has garnered the attention of the Philomena Constabulary for hostile comments made yesterday by owner Bill Chadwick. Mr. Chadwick was heard ranting and yelling in front of hotel owner Morganic Clarrington’s home, causing great emotional distress to Mr. Clarrington’s wife, Honoria, who was baking a batch of pies in the kitchen at the time. Mr. Chadwick has also been seen loitering around the vicinity of the Clarrington Hotel and several townspeople have come forward to say that he appears to be muttering to himself as he looks upon the half-renovated hotel – a project from which he was recently unceremoniously dismissed. Townsfolk are advised to be on the watch for any suspicious persons, and to report any disturbances to the Constabulary.
((If you would like to contribute to this story, write your ideas on a notecard and drop it in the mailbox at the Herald Offices.))
PHILOMENAVILLE RAISES THOUSANDS AT RECENT FUNDRAISER
LAST WEEK SAW THE GENEROUS town of Philomena raise a grand total of 13,685 L$ for the Royal Courts Society, which works to preserve the history and heritage of destinations such as ours. Held on June 16th at the Town Hall Green, the dance and auction played host to a grand cast of notables, including Mayors Blake Panache and Selena Anansi, town elder Jeanie Trilling, as well as several well known fashionable young ladies and gentlemen from out of town. Popular vaudeville musician Toot Toots MaGee was on hand to provide the evening’s tunes, and local caterers came out in force to lay out a fine selection of refreshments. Stable owner Dorothy Barker is reported to have had her hands full as guests came and went via her horses and carriages. All in all, a pleasant evening was whiled away with dance and chatter, much of the excited talk centring around the upcoming Decades Ball, which many local citizens will be travelling out of town to attend.
LOCAL CONTRACTOR DISMISSED FOR UNETHICAL PRACTICES
IT WAS DISCOVERED LAST WEEK that local contractor Bill Chadwick (of Chadwick General Contractors) had been using subpar materials on a renovation project at the Clarrington Hotel in Philomenaville. Following a tip-off from a fellow business owner, Mr. Clarrington appointed a private consultant to carry out a structural audit of the building, and it was found that the materials being used were of such inferior quality that a collapse would have been inevitable within one to two months.
Mr. Clarrington had complained during their negotiations that Mr. Chadwick drove a hard bargain, but now it appears the cost of his hiring decision will be even higher as the entire hotel must now be rebuilt from scratch. Mr. Clarrington has put out the word for new contracting companies to share their credentials, and several interested parties are now being assessed.
“Mr. Chadwick has proven himself to be both unscrupulous and completely lacking in ethics,” said Mr. Clarrington in a statement, “I vow to make it my business that his business dries up once and for all!”
Mr. Chadwick could not be reached for comment.
A deeper look into the professional history of Chadwick General Contractors has also revealed the ordering of adulterated cement to be manufactured in times of shortage – a serious matter as this practice compromises the stability of the cement and the structure.
New town management reported to be settling in fine
RECENTLY APPOINTED JOINT MAYORS Mr. Blake Panache and Ms. Selena Anansi are reported to be settling into their new roles with no major troubles or inconveniences.
Having hired the services of esteemed local accountant and collection man Mr. Phillip Billings, both Mr. Panache and Ms. Anansi have had some precious moments to themselves to explore their new charge and to take stock of both the developments and the residents who make up the town of Philomenaville. Some may find it endearing to note as well that between the two there is a certain camaraderie, with Ms. Anansi being overheard to address her fellow townskeeper by the familiar term of ‘Uncle Blake’!
Blakefield furnishings to open in Philomenaville!
MAKER OF FINE FURNISHINGS, Blakefield Handcrafted, is set to open in the bustling shop district in the coming weeks. The company will join a slew of respected and well loved home décor stores that have served the community for many years, and is expected to be popular especially with certain wealthy ladies living in the affluent Wellington County district.
Mayor Nadeau announces his retirement
PHILOMENA’S SEEMINGLY TIRELESS MAYOR Nadeau has decided to retire from city business to focus on his home life and his work in the field of education.
Town officials and residents alike have expressed their surprise at the decision, but nevertheless conveyed their best wishes for his health and happiness.
Meanwhile, Nadeau spoke to the Herald about the future of Philomenaville, saying,
“…I was approached by Blake Panache and Selena Anansi, who expressed an interest in taking Philomena into its future. Both… have been members of our community and assisted in building homes… They know the town and the people well. They are really great candidates for moving the town forward…”
Philomenaville set to grow by leaps and bounds
CITY OFFICIALS OF Philomenaville report the town being one of the fastest growing in the Midwest, with population steadily increasing in number, and new homes recently being built to cater for the surge in Wellington Country. The Herald put local townsfolk to a survey and discovered more interest in country homes as compared to townhouses amongst men, while women preferred the townhouses as they were nearer to the local picture house and grocer. “I’ve lived a lot of places and never seen any town grow so quick before,” said resident Miss Puss Applewhyte.
Anyone interested in making their home in Philomenaville is advised to contact one of the town officials below:
– Thaddeus Nadeau (Mayor)
Local detective’s prize chicken found dead
OWNER AND PROPRIETOR of TNT Detective Agency Miss Trolley Trollop returned home one evening last week to discover her prize chicken, ‘Euphemia’, slaughtered and strung up by the heels on a kitchen hook.
When contacted for a statement, Miss Trollop said she believed that for her, this was just one in a series of mysterious recent events, and urged townsfolk who were interested in hearing her story to call upon her at the TNT Detective Agency on 8 Park Avenue and 1 Old Orchard Avenue. Local county fair officials have voiced their sadness over the death of Euphemia, stating that Miss Trollop’s bird was one of the finest they had ever had the pleasure of judging.
Crime reportage interrupted by series of mysterious events
IN RECENT WEEKS, there has been much speculation concerning the incident that occurred in Bushside, where a man was seen carrying away a rolled up carpet from what looked like the scene of a grisly murder.
The Philomena Herald gathered the following statement from Mayor Thaddeus Nadeau during an interview held at his private residence.
“We now have it on good authority that a murder has indeed blighted our town of Philomena. The victim of this terrible crime has been identified, yet whether it is intentional or accidental remains to be seen.”
Also approached for a statement was local detective and spiritual woman Miss Trolley Trollop.
“I’m getting all kinds of stories that I am beginning to think are red herrings to keep me from detecting and finding out the truth! Daddy always used to tell me that folks got to look to themselves to take care of each other. That’s why I set up my TNT Detective Agency now, so anybody wants to know my story is to visit me, I will set out some pie and we can have a chat.”
Finally, Constable Furlgrim has endeavoured to reassure the public by stating on behalf of the Philomena Constabulary:
“Whilst we are doing our best to keep up with this case, the constabulary does not have the resources to deal with the multitude of tip-offs and alleged evidence coming in.
“Rest assured we are trying our very best to prioritize and deal with anything offered up by local witnesses and those who would be of assistance. As a man of science, I will find the culprit(s) in due time and we will all do our best to keep the town safe – though it is a task easier done if people remain calm and composed and avert their minds from superstition.”
More updates to follow in the days ahead.
First-time grocer sets down roots in Philomenaville
Valley Avenue will soon be home to Nature’s Treasury – an enterprise set up by new resident Shetty Aretheus, and which offers fresh fruits, vegetables and sundry at fair prices. The shop is small but well placed, and Aretheus says the company places utmost importance on locally grown produce. An opening advertisement for Nature’s Treasury can be found by turning to the Classifieds pages.
No leads in local mystery
Residents of Philomena are still no nearer to a sense of closure where the mystery of the carpet-bearing stranger and the stained alleyway he left in his wake are concerned. The Herald offices have been inundated with telephone calls asking for information, where none can be given, and it is hoped that investigations will come to some conclusion soon. Meanwhile, residents are advised to maintain a strict curfew after working hours and to report the activities of any suspicious looking characters to the police.
April 12th ’15
MYSTERY IN BROAD DAYLIGHT STIRS PHILOMENA CITIZENS
WORDS OF COMMENT and concern were heard all over Philomenaville yesterday regarding the sighting of a mysterious trail of a reddish substance in a narrow alley between Belina’s and EBD Design Zeitgeist on the corner of Park Avenue.
This follows news that Mayor Thaddeus Nadeau had seen a suspicious looking person walking along the street carrying a large rolled up rug. The Mayor is reported to have enlisted the services of the local constabulary and livery in an initial investigation of the street.
Onlookers speculated as to whether the substance was paint, the drippings of raw meat, or – for the morbid amongst them – blood, but the local police have forbidden any member of the public from attempting to examine closely for themselves or remove any evidence from the scene.
The alley has since been boarded up to prevent unlawful access, and Police Constable Furlgrim is currently leading an investigation on the matter.
April 7th ’15
THE RECENTLY HELD Merchant’s Choice sale has been a great success since its first outing, with many local sellers doubling and tripling their usual income, and several running out of stock during the Philomena Jubilee as townspeople were out in full force to celebrate the event. Local gentlemen were seen to be staggering behind their enthusiastic wives under the weight of great stacks of milliner’s boxes, and by evening most tea and coffeehouses were packed with tired shoppers resting their legs and regaining lost energy. It is hoped that the event’s popularity will continue, and that local merchants will be encouraged to add more fine items to their respective repertoires.
March 8th, ’15
With the approach of the exciting Founders Day Weekend, there will be another town hall meeting on the Town Hall green facilitated by Mayor Thaddeus Nadeau. The meeting will take place at 6PM SLT on Friday, March 13th. An agenda will be put forth. Some topics that will be covered include, but are not limited to the below. All townsfolk are invited to participate.
1. Founders Day Weekend events
2. Review of Covenant – key points (full bright, hover text, prim usage, rent, group chat)
3. Inclusion in Cultural Hub and Virtual Historian
4. Town growth – Wellington County
5. Trains and Trolleys
7. Forthcoming projects and ideas for involvement
March 6th, ’15
PHILOMENA’S NEWLY FORMED Chamber of Commerce is now headed up by Ms. Saraphen Calliope. Ms. Calliope comes to this mayorally appointed position with exciting ideas and marketing skill. You might recognize her name from the town pub – The Thirsty Camel. She is the proprietress.
The Chamber of Commerce works with merchants as a group to form sales, events, and so forth to further enrich our experience with offering goods and merchandise we can use in our homes, places of business, and to wear. Philomena has some excellent shops for both furnishing and clothing to help the residents live both comfortably and stylishly in this time of the early 1900s.
Merchants located in the Town of Philomena are encouraged to reach out to Mayor Thaddeus Nadeau or Ms. Saraphen Calliope to receive a group invitation. Make the most of your time, rent, and experience as a shopkeeper in town and participate in events, sales, hunts and so on, as time permits. For those who are not shopkeepers, enjoy the activities, sales and other events that come from the hard work and craft of these skilled purveyors of goods.